Life is interesting. Looking back at what has happened and what may happen in the future is an exciting thing but it can be pretty nerve racking too. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this lately and I've learned quite a bit about myself. Almost three years ago I learned that I was not meant to be single as long as I had planned to be and that I was actively letting the woman of my dreams slip through my fingers. I was lucky enough to figure that out before it was too late and now I've been married for over eight months to Mandi, whom I love desperately. I'm an incredibly fortunate person. Mandi has recently found a career path that she's excited about and that she's going to get a Master's degree in over the next few years. I'm thrilled that she's found this thing that she feels passionately about. It's a very exciting time for us. It has, however, helped me to realize a number of things about what I am doing.

All of my life I have studied and played at things that I found interesting and exciting. I took art classes throughout school before I got into college. I always loved art. I grew up doing things in the outdoors with Boy Scouts and found that not only is it something I am passionate about, it is a thing through which I met some of my best friends. In college I studied things like Anthropology, Archaeology, Economic Theory, Literature, Music Heritage, and Jazz History. All of these things I found extremely interesting and all of them were unrelated to my degree plan which I very seldom found interesting. I knew before I graduated that I didn't want a job in Accounting, which is what I got my degree in. Since I left school I've found that most of my time goes towards things that I'm good at, that I'm qualified for, and that I don't have a lot of interest for. When school ended so did the extra courses, the extra areas of study that kept me excited and interested.

I do a lot of reading, I always have, but my time for reading has seriously diminished since I got out of school. I try to continue to learn and to look for new things that spark my interest. These interests of mine are numerous and a lot of them are related to things that I studied while still in school. Instead of looking into these areas for possible careers I stuck to things that I thought would be safe, things that would ensure me a job upon graduation at a good pay rate. This is my comfort zone. I have never strayed from it. I spend all of my time thinking about the things that could go wrong and in what ways I can avoid the vast majority of these situations and this keeps me in my comfort zone. I have learned that most of the things I have done to supply myself with this level of comfort are not very compatible with my personality. I have scared myself into doing things that I do not enjoy doing.

To a certain extent we all do things that we would rather not do in order to supply ourselves and our family with a certain level of comfort and safety. I understand this very well. There is nothing wrong with this. What I think is that right now I am on a track that will eventually lead to me having to do a thing that I do not enjoy simply becuase I no longer have the time or the resources to change that path. Right now I still have the time and resources. What I do not have yet is an idea of what this new direction should be. I have never spent enough time on anything else to know what else I would like to be doing. I have found some good jumping off points to help me figure this out though.

The main thing that I have found is that the part of my personality that desires comfort has for a very long time been winning out over the part that desires inspiration, creativity, and adventure. I've spent all of this time trying to fill that hole with little bits and pieces when I need much more than that. I've been treading water. Now I'm looking for a place to swim to, because I'm getting tired.